Sometimes extreme depression hits for no apparent reason. Today is one of those days. The sadness, lethargy, and lack of interest is overwhelming.
Today is one of the worst days I’ve had since my chronic pain symptoms started. It’s also accompanied by extreme lethargy. I’ve taken naproxen and CBD and I feel no difference… that’s how bad it is.
I wish I were able to better explain to others what this pain feels like. I never knew a pain like this before this started, so I can’t find a normal type of pain to compare it to. The closest thing I’ve had before are times I’ve had bad reactions to insect bites/stings. It’s a deep, penetrating pain that takes over the joint and surrounding tissues and makes them swollen and stiff.
It’s at the very minimum and a steady 4 on good days. Days like today it’s a steady 6 and keeps spiking to an 8. Last week when I was having one of the bad days, I barely bumped my bad toe and it felt like an 11. The pain was brief, but it shot through me and dropped me to my knees.
When this started 3 years ago it was just one finger. It was annoying and it hurt bad, but my left pinky being hurt didn’t keep me from functioning. I talked to my doctor at the time about it, but she just shrugged it off. After a few months it went away and I was fine for awhile. then about a year and a half ago it came back in my right foot. I had it looked into but the doctor didn’t come up with anything. Then it started spreading. It’s now in at least 8 joints, possibly more (my other pain issues can make it confusing), and I get lethargy with it. As well my IBS has gotten worse (I spend at least an hour in the bathroom a day), and if it’s autoimmune, which we think it is, these things are often related. Now I’m waiting to hear back from a rheumatologist so I can make an appointment.
This is what’s contributing to my notable depression lately. I’d like to be able to have my physical health get worse without my mental health going with it, but it seems unavoidable.
Today is a very bad day. Especially since tomorrow I was going to go out with friends and I don’t know if it will still be acting up then. My mood definitely matches the Seattle sky.
Most people reading my posts will already know me, but I’ll give some basics anyway, and explain a little what this blog is for.
My name is Cara (pronounced Care-uh). I’m 29. I live in Burien, which is near Seattle, with my parents, husband, and parrot.
I love nature, science, art, crafts, and more. I’m a big nerd and love attending conventions.
I have a lot of health problems, mental and physical, including depression, panic anxiety, bipolar II, PTSD, OCD, sensory processing disorder, IBS, psoriasis, and chronic pain.
This blog is primarily my place to complain. I need to vent a lot. A personal journal/diary just doesn’t work for me, and I’m tired of flooding my Facebook with negativity. I hold back a lot because of that, and I want to be able to get all my feelings out.
I’m going to be more honest here than I’ve been on Facebook. If you’re a family member or certain type of friends who doesn’t want to know, or can’t handle, intimate and sometimes controversial aspects of my life, you may not want to read.
Finally, I have full control of this place. This is my safe place. I will delete or not approve comments that I find offensive. I won’t tolerate being shamed for anything I have to say. I would love discussions, and it’s ok to disagree with me, but be respectful!
Welp, that’s all for now I guess.